oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
