My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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