I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
love makes seman taste better
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
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Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
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The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
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