Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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