just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
