Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
