you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
