last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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