i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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