My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Everclear isn't food dammit
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
