Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My ass is underappreciated
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
