It's like God shit irony all over that family
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
