I'm really into asian looking animals
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
