do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
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This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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