Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
