Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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