sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have grass duct taped all over my body
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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