I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
