Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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