Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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