Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
40s are totally the cure
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
