My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
