our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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