Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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