I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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