Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
