The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
