Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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