He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
