i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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