fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
