There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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