I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
