After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
