Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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