you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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