Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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