Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
