I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
