am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
