i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Sober January is a disaster.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
