Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
