We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
