Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i've created a new STD.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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