How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
