I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
