If that was your dad, he is hot
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
