we have pet lesbian snakes
Say something about gay babies.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
