if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
