I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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