There was a lot of him and a little penis
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
