I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
