i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
