weddingsv make me drug and hornr
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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