I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
