question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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