he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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