I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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