dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
