My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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