Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
