Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
