are you so shy because you have an std?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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