omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
