She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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