just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
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"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
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Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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