I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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