sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
