God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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