I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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